Before you continue reading, I want to be honest with you: there is no answer in this article. This isn’t a self-help or motivational piece. So, if you’re looking for the key to happiness, I’d rather not waste your time. Instead, what you’ll find here are possibilities I’ve uncovered through wandering, reading studies, listening to lectures, and reflecting. This is simply a way for me to materialize some thoughts, share them, and jot down some notes.
Anyway…
Am I grateful for my life? Yes, I am. I have a resilient and intelligent wife who has always supported me in my darkest hours. I have a daughter who amazes me with her critical thinking, even though she’s still a teenager. And yet, I can’t say I’m truly happy.
I have a decent job and good colleagues. I also have friends I deeply value—people who have helped me in countless ways and with whom I can share my feelings and brainstorm new ideas. These friends are precious, and I consider myself lucky. But still…
I can’t pinpoint exactly when it started, but if my memory serves me, it was around 12 years ago that I began feeling like something was missing. Even when my salary was more than enough for me to buy and do what I wanted, I felt a void. That’s one reason I indulged a bit excessively in my mechanical keyboard hobby a couple of years ago. It didn’t fill the emptiness, though.
READ ALSO: Human vs AI: How Embracing GenAI is Evolving Us into Better Humans
In 2023, I experienced the opposite scenario. Without a full-time job, I didn’t have to deal with annoying bosses or absurd rules. I had ample time to learn whatever I wanted and create content I loved, free from constraints or targets. Yet, it still wasn’t enough. Admittedly, there was some financial difficulty at the time, which didn’t help… Hahaha…
But even when I was financially stable or had all the time in the world to pursue my passions, true happiness remained elusive.
My wife often tells me I overthink things. She’s probably right. But I can’t help wondering why happiness seems just out of reach.
As I said earlier, I don’t have answers. However, in my contemplation, I’ve identified some possibilities that might explain why happiness is so elusive.
The Unseen Void of Empathy
If I’ve learned anything from my wandering, it’s that happiness is deeply tied to how we treat one another. Sadly, the world seems to lack empathy—a crucial component of human connection.
Empathy is such a simple concept, yet it’s becoming increasingly rare. No, I don’t blame the internet or social media entirely. Even without them, most people don’t realize they lack empathy. The anonymity of the internet just amplifies it.
Many impose their own standards on others: “If I can do it, so can you,” they say, ignoring that everyone’s circumstances and priorities differ. Worse, some people think, “If I can trample others, why shouldn’t I?”
I don’t know why, but I get deeply annoyed when someone is treated unfairly—even if it doesn’t directly involve me. Just witnessing a lack of empathy makes me anxious, though I might be good at hiding it.
I believe that, in the end, everything will be for naught and we’ll all be forgotten. That’s precisely why we should treat each other kindly—to make this often miserable life a little more bearable.
The Soul-Crushing Reality of Modern Work
According to Gallup’s 2024 report, 59% of workers globally are disengaged, with 63% in Southeast Asia identifying as “quiet quitters.” In the UK, a staggering 90% of the workforce feels disengaged. Millennials and Gen Z, in particular, seek alignment with personal values and work-life balance, leading them to disengage more often.
For the record, this chapter isn’t about my current job—it’s perfect… wink.
But over the years, since graduating in 2008, I’ve worked for many companies and superiors. I’ve also heard the same complaints from friends: work is awful.
Honestly, I think Gallup’s numbers might even be understated. In reality, I’d estimate over 75% of workers are disengaged. Most people, I’d argue, stay in their jobs because they have no better options.
Economic reports often show macro-level improvements, but these don’t trickle down to the individual level. Education and housing costs continue to rise globally, making survival harder and forcing people to stick with jobs they dislike.
Feeling trapped isn’t conducive to happiness. Sure, fleeting moments of joy can come from indulgences or time spent with loved ones. But that doesn’t erase the underlying dissatisfaction of being stuck in a cycle.
READ ALSO: What Makes a Human Different from Algorithms?
Ignorance Is Bliss
Let me get personal here because I truly feel that knowledge and learning are both a blessing and a curse.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not claiming to have great knowledge or superior intelligence. Borrowing from Socrates, the one thing I know is that I know nothing. I just have a strong curiosity—even for things that are impractical or unpopular. I don’t care if no one around me knows about Derrida, Huizinga, Cipolla, or Harari. I don’t care if I’ll ever apply quantum physics or behavioral economics in my personal or professional life. I just want to know about them.
Speaking of quantum physics, no, I don’t truly understand it. I may have read papers and watched lectures on Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, entanglement, superposition, and the like, but my brain can’t fully grasp them. I’m just name-dropping cool concepts to sound smarter than I am… Hahaha.
Because of this curiosity, I’m more aware of how many things are wrong with the world. So much is broken, normalized, and in desperate need of fixing. But here’s the problem: even though I recognize these issues, I’m not smart or capable enough to solve them. My limited abilities, or maybe my own stupidity, hold me back.
Sometimes, I think if I were more ignorant, I wouldn’t feel so powerless or foolish. Maybe it’s just my age showing, a stage of life where bitterness becomes harder to ignore.
Still, I can’t help wishing my brain would simplify everything. People tell me, “Be happy you’re alive,” or, “Be grateful for the people who care about you.” And I am. My friends and family are a constant source of light in my life. They’re one of the reasons I keep going.
But, let’s be real—I also wouldn’t mind having an RTX 4070 and a 7800X3D… LOL.
Humans Are Biased
Lastly, humans are inherently biased. We’re greedy—myself included. Instead of appreciating what we have, we focus on what we don’t.
This isn’t just an opinion; it’s something deeply rooted in human psychology. No matter how much we achieve or acquire, our baseline level of satisfaction seems to stay the same. It’s a cycle that traps us in endless pursuit, always feeling like there’s something missing.
We also tend to believe we’re more important than others. Whether consciously or subconsciously, many of us see our experiences and struggles as more significant than those of the people around us. We’re quick to credit our successes to hard work while dismissing others’ achievements as mere luck. This kind of thinking fuels entitlement. We convince ourselves that we deserve more than what we have, even if what we have is already enough.
Even worse, even when we’re aware of these biases, we can’t fully escape them. At least, that’s how I feel. Perhaps this is also why happiness feels so elusive to me.
Closing
In the end, as I mentioned at the beginning, I don’t have answers. If reading this made you feel worse, I sincerely apologize.
As humans, we are inherently biased, often self-centered, and frequently lacking in empathy. Perhaps that’s why we don’t truly deserve happiness—or maybe that’s why happiness remains so elusive.
